What to Do When Your Child is Using Drugs

Most teenagers have used drugs at least once by the end of high school, but at what point should you be concerned? And when (or how) should you respond? Many parents feel overwhelmed when they find out their child is using drugs. They become flooded with questions like, “How long has this been happening?” and “How serious is it?” And the most pressing of all? “What do I do next?”

When it comes to a child’s drug use, parents often feel a natural instinct to panic, punish, or simply assume the worst. But finding out your child is using drugs doesn’t automatically mean they’re addicted. It does not mean that they have failed you, or that you have failed as a parent. There are many reasons why young people use drugs, and how you respond in this moment can make a difference in your ability to get to the root cause. Your reaction can also dictate how open your child will be to a conversation and to getting help.

So, what do you do when your child is using drugs? This guide will walk you through the steps you can take, as well as the responses to avoid, after this discovery.

But First: Recognizing the Signs of Drug Use

The signs of drug use in adolescents aren’t always obvious. You might notice a change in friend groups, some slipping grades, or more mood swings that feel a bit out of the norm. Your child might become more distant from loved ones, shutting their bedroom doors and avoiding family time, or become less interested in social events at school. They may display physical changes, like weight loss or gain, fatigue and tiredness, or even clear indicators of being drunk or high (stumbling, bloodshot eyes, shakiness).

The signs of drug use might also be even more evident, which is what has led you here: You found a vape in their room, a stash in their car, or empty alcohol bottles in the liquor cabinet. You may have found they are borrowing (and burning through) money more than usual. Your medications may be missing.

No matter where you are, it’s important to be aware of the signs of drug use in children and teenagers, so that you are prepared to react if and when the time comes. Do not ignore the signs, either. Even subtle signs of drug use warrant an open conversation with your child. And if there are no signs? Your intuition is enough to at least take the first step. At the end of the day, you know your child best.

What to Do First (and What Not to Do)

Typically, the first step that a parent will take when discovering a child’s drug use is to have a conversation. However, this is much easier said than done. Parents must first assess the situation to determine whether a conversation is appropriate, or plan a time (and place) in which it should occur.

For example, you’ll want to assess your own feelings in this moment: The last thing you want to do is confront your child while you’re panicking, heated, or highly emotional. This can only escalate a situation and disrupt your ability to have a productive conversation. Further, if you’re walking into a conversation with strong feelings or assumptions, it can really disrupt your ability to connect with your teen.

In addition, you will want to assess your child’s state at the time: Are they sober, or under the influence? Do you think they feel safe and supported at this time, or in their current state? Are they feeling angry, dismissive, or emotional? Wait for a time in which you are both comfortable, level-headed, and present.

But do not wait too long, either. As urged by Drugfree.org, “It’s imperative that you have an intervention as soon as your instinct tells you that something is wrong.” And you can never be too early with it. Even experimenting with drugs can quickly turn into regular substance use, dependence, and addiction – as well as legal trouble, health issues, accidents, and overdose. Starting the conversation now can protect your child in the long-term, and at the very least, educate them about the dangers of drugs.

How to Prepare for the Conversation

Talk to your spouse or partner. Make sure you are aligned in your approach, the message you want to get across, and your goals for the conversation. You should also make sure you are on the same regarding consequences and next steps, if applicable.

Set goals for your conversation. What do you hope to accomplish in talking to your child? Do you want them to see a therapist or get professional help? Stop using drugs or alcohol? Avoid certain friends, places, or peer groups? Keep in mind that you might not accomplish these goals with one conversation; multiple discussions may be needed to reach your end-goal.

Make and track observations around your child’s behavior. Note anything that concerns you, or any significant changes you’ve identified, that are signaling your reason for concern. Keep track of patterns in your child’s behavior, not just one-off examples that could indicate substance use.

Prepare for your teen’s reaction. More than likely, your child is going to be resistant to this conversation at first, no matter how compassionately you approach it. They may be defensive, saying things like, “I can’t believe you went through my stuff!” and “You’re a hypocrite because you drink!” Have calm responses ready, as much as possible, for these types of reactions, responses in which you focus on your concerns and the issue at hand.

How to Start the Conversation

Choose the right time and place. The right setting can make all the difference. Talk to your teen in a place where they feel comfortable, and at a time in which they are willing to open up.

Use calm, compassionate, and non-accusatory language. You are here because you are concerned about your child’s well-being, so remind your child (and yourself) that you are coming from a place of love. Do not show signs of being angry, as this can escalate your child’s emotions.

Ask open-ended questions. You want to hear from your child openly, not be dismissed with simple “yes” or “no” responses. You want to be able to listen to what’s bothering your child, how they got to this place, and what is really going on. Plan a list of questions in advance that can help get you the information you need, so that you can in turn help your teen.

Be relatable. While it’s important for parents to listen more than they speak in these types of interventions, it can be helpful to use relatable language and stories to make your teen feel comfortable. This might mean recalling your own memories and mistakes around drug use, so that your teen feels less alone.

Validate your child’s emotions. Try to understand what your child is going through, and put yourself in their shoes. Make them feel like their emotions are valid, while also being firm on your own concerns.

Don’t jump to punishment. As much as you may want to jump to consequences and set an action plan in stone, try not to resort to punishment right away. This can cause your child to close the doors to any future conversations. If you’re struggling to get your teen to open up at all, consider granting them “immunity” this time around, as long as they tell you the truth.

Do not judge the person. Similarly, try to withhold from judging your child for using drugs at all. Teens use drugs for a variety of reasons, and judging your teen off the bat is not fair, as you do not yet know what they are going through.

How to Set Boundaries and Expectations

While parents should always approach their child’s drug use with compassion and open-mindedness, it’s also important to keep your child’s health and safety in mind. And what that often means is establishing rules and boundaries, in efforts to prevent ongoing issues with drug and alcohol use. With that in mind, parents should:

Set clear household rules about drug and alcohol use. Explain to your child drug and alcohol use is not acceptable, due to the dangers it can pose. Make sure your child understands the rules, as well as your commitment to helping them stay safe and healthy.

Establish consequences that are enforceable. Choose consequences that are realistic, appropriate, and directly related to the behavior.

Be consistent with boundaries and rules. Avoid creating consequences that you can’t follow through on, as consistency helps build trust, reinforces accountability, and creates a sense of stability for your child.

Balance empathy with structure. There’s a fine balance between executing compassion and empathy, as well as staying firm with your expectations. Offering support alongside clear boundaries can help your child feel understood without minimizing the seriousness of the issue.

When to Seek Professional Help

It can be difficult for parents to know when the appropriate time is to seek out professional help. If your child is using drugs occasionally or recreationally, for example, how much should you be concerned?

As you consider professional treatment for your loved one, ask yourself:

How severe is the problem? Is it experimentation, regular use, or dependency? What types of drugs are being used? What is the cause of them?

Is my child showing signs of a possible substance use disorder?

Do I have concerns about other, co-occurring mental health issues (depression, anxiety, trauma, etc.)?

Do I have concerns about my child’s safety and health? Are they showing signs of suicidal ideation, self-harm, reckless behaviors, or substance abuse that can lead to overdose?

Is there a risk of a medical emergency that requires immediate intervention and support?

If there is any sort of threat to your child’s health or safety, or concerns of a deeper-seated condition at play (whether substance abuse or mental health related), it’s important to seek professional help immediately.

It’s also important to remember that professional support exists on a spectrum, and even if it feels premature, it’s never too early to intervene. In fact, addressing drug use in its tracks, early on, makes recovery more achievable for your son or daughter.

As you think about your next steps, even going into initial conversations with your child, it can help to have a plan for when things escalate. For example, you should:

Know who to call. Parents can lean on their pediatrician, a mental health counselor, or an addiction specialist for guidance on what to do next.

Research the different treatment options. For teens using drugs, treatment is not always as simple as rehab. There are different forms of drug treatment, including residential programs, intensive outpatient programs, outpatient therapy sessions, and more. It’s important to find one that best aligns with your child’s needs at this time.

Explore reputable options in your area. Have a list of reputable treatment providers ready, for when you are ready to make the call. Look for treatment facilities that are reputable, evidence-based, and structured for younger demographics. It’s also important to find a provider who can create a personalized treatment plan for your loved one, based on his or her needs and goals.

What to Do About Your Child’s Drug Use, Starting Now

Finding out your child is using drugs can feel like the world is caving in. However, knowing how to respond appropriately can be the key to setting your child on the right path long-term: Your response can de-escalate the situation, preserve trust, and increase the likelihood that your child accepts support. By approaching the situation with compassion, curiosity, and love, you can help your child navigate substance use and begin moving toward recovery.

If and when you feel ready, remember that you can always reach out to Turnbridge for support. We are a recognized substance abuse and mental health treatment provider, specializing in the unique experiences of teenagers and young adults. Call 877-581-1793 to learn about our programs.